And now for something completely differentby Tim Manni
According to a report released Monday by the U.S. Department of Labor, skyrocketing consumer prices coupled with stagnant wages have forced many Americans to work a fourth shift in another dimension in order to make ends meet.
The extra-dimensional shift, which occurs on a time axis at right angles to that of normal reality, allows American workers to supplement their incomes, while still maintaining the morning, afternoon, and overnight shifts they need in order to stave off bankruptcy.
“The maximum 24 hours of possible work time offered by our plane of existence is simply not enough to provide a living wage in the current economic climate,” Labor Secretary Elaine Chao wrote in a letter introducing the report. “These difficult circumstances have compelled 76 percent of the American workforce to seek additional hours in an alternate space-time dimension, where more competitive pay can help them to avoid years of crippling debt.”
No word on whether the IRS will move to tax the additional income.